


Ask Attolis

by Blyth3



Category: The Queen's Thief - Megan Whalen Turner
Genre: Advice, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blogging, F/M, M/M, Workplace Relationship, a few people suggested this on discord and then I wrote it in 2.5 hours, alas COVID-19 does exist in this AU, local author is addicted to AAM and gave Gen a workplace advice blog, past Costis/Aris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:29:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29670060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blyth3/pseuds/Blyth3
Summary: A very stressed out contractor, "A", writes in to a random workplace advice column asking how to handle the fact that his coworker "L" is having an affair with someone at a company they contract with and is receiving preferential treatment, along with his team.  Unfortunately, he did not pick a very professional or helpful advice columnist to ask.
Relationships: Attolia | Irene/Eugenides
Comments: 18
Kudos: 33





	Ask Attolis

Archived on March 14 2019, 10:48 AM EST

Original page deleted on March 14 2019, 1:31 PM EST

[Posted on March 14 2019, 9:00 AM EST]

_Dear Attolis,_

_I work at a company that contracts to do dangerous, labor-intensive work—think construction. I was recently promoted to lead a team of our contractors, which I was excited to do. However, now that I’ve been promoted, I’m getting a different perspective on our company’s culture, as well as the culture of one of the other companies we contract with._

_My company (Company A) has always been casual when we’re not actively at job sites, and this means that a lot of us are friends. Sometimes people in the company date, although a lot of them are straight men (I’m a gay man, which is relevant later) so it’s not as common as it might be in other companies. Management is fine with us dating within the company as long as there aren’t any chain of command issues. However, I recently found out that one of the members of another team that my team often works with (let’s call this guy L) has been sleeping with someone at a company we contract with (Company B). L’s lover is a supervisor for a large department, and I suspect they’re sleeping together in Company B’s offices while L is on the clock. Because of this affair (L’s lover is married so I think that makes it an affair) the team that L works on is always getting assigned to contract with that department of Company B. It’s an expensive contract, and I think most of the team is happy to get the extra money, but they’re not getting to rotate off the job site as often as our teams are supposed to. This means that they’re tired and not taking their vacation. Other teams resent the team that L is on (to be clear, he’s not the team lead) because that team is getting paid more than the rest of us._

_I know I should go straight to my boss and tell him about this, because it’s a big deal. However, there are complications. The first is that I slept with a fellow team lead (“C”) a few times. This happened before I was promoted to team lead, but we were never on the same team; he was managing a separate team at the time. We broke it off amicably and have been friends ever since; he's now engaged to the love of his life and there are no hard feelings. However, I worry that this ruins my credibility._

_The other complication, which is linked to this, is that I feel like I don’t fit in at this job. I came to this line of work in a non-traditional way, and I’ve caught flack for it. I’m missing a lot of the experience that the other people here share, and this makes me an outsider. Some people resent me getting promoted before they were. On top of that, I am openly gay. No one’s been homophobic, but at a company that’s mostly straight men in an industry that’s mostly straight men, it makes me stick out. Plus, I’m new to being a team lead, and I know that I’ve made some mistakes while getting used to it._

_With my history of not fitting in, and my relationship with C, I’m worried that I will come across as dramatic or whiny if I try to report L’s affair to my boss. I feel like L’s affair is different from me and C sleeping together a few times, but I don’t know how to make that point. My boss is a complete hardass, and I’m scared of him. Please help._

_Thanks,_

_A_

Thanks for writing in! I thought it might be helpful if I included my wife’s perspective here, because we obviously had to navigate being a couple working at the same company, until I retired to become her stay-at-home trophy husband. (Crash course on our torrid love affair for new readers: she was the high-powered CEO, I was her highly efficient and talented secretary, can I make it any more obvious? She tried to be all restrained and not hit on the hot young secretary, I was practically lying across her desk with a rose in my teeth.) (Irene would like you all to know that I did not “retire”; we talked it out and she laid me off with generous severance before we started dating seriously. Also she wants all the secretaries of the world to know that 99% of the time, getting into a relationship with your boss is a terrible idea and you should not strive to emulate us.) So, we wrote this together, and of course you can credit her for all the reasonable parts of this response. But also if anyone advises murder as a solution, that was her. (She says, “Damn right.”)

Anyway, we both agree that you should tell your boss, and we both agree that you sleeping with your friend and not letting that affect your work is very different from L using his affair to get his team preferential treatment. Irene says, and I’m just going to quote her here, “As far as I can tell, neither A nor C was ever the other’s boss, and while C was higher-ranking than A at the time that they were having a relationship, A doesn’t say anything that would indicate that C would have been managing him in any way. While I generally frown on workplace romances—I _said_ generally, don’t give me that look—this is more or less the best way it could go [for A and C]. L, on the other hand, is behaving unethically and unprofessionally. He may even be violating Company A’s contract with Company B with his behavior, thereby putting Company A at risk for a number of consequences. Frankly, A should have spoken up sooner.” Harsh, babe!

I agree with Irene for the most part, but I don’t blame you for not speaking up earlier. As a visibly disabled queer man of color, I’ve been the outsider in plenty of work situations, and sometimes it’s escalated! I’ve talked about this before but I had to file a harassment complaint at one company I worked at because they kept stealing my lunch and refusing to provide me with office equipment made for an amputee, especially since I needed a lot of it to be left-handed instead of right-handed. (Things escalated badly after that.) I’m also pretty wary of large groups of burly (I’m assuming, since you said this was something like construction) straight men, because historically those kinds of people haven’t liked me much. I’m guessing from your lack of mention of HR that you don’t have it or don’t feel like it’s an option, but Irene says I should still talk about HR just in case. Well, if your company has a semi-functional HR Department, this is the exact kind of thing you should tell them about. It’s true that HR is not your friend and that they’re meant to protect the company, but sometimes you can make their interests align with yours. It will make the company look really bad—and maybe open them up to legal repercussions depending on the contract with Company B—if this affair comes to light. HR is also supposed to protect you from retaliation, which it sounds like you’re worried about. That being said, bad HR can be really bad, so ignore this if you don’t think HR will help.

As I see it, there are still plenty of options if you don’t want to tell your boss directly. You could try talking to L and seeing if that gets him to cut it out. I really suggest some looming, here. Full, melodramatic, “I know what you did last summer” type stuff. Irene is giggling as I dictate this into my headset so clearly she thinks it’s the right choice. Although, to be fair, this would definitely open you to retaliation. (Unless you scare him so badly he’s too afraid of you to retaliate!)

Another option is an anonymous note, which is a route I’ve taken before. In my case—Irene is cracking up again at this because she knows what I’m talking about—in my case it didn’t go over very well, but I sure did try it! Anyway, the best part of this one is that unless you get caught it’s totally anonymous. On the other appendage, it’s easy for your boss to ignore a note or assume that it’s from someone who’s trying to start drama. It’s low-risk and you can go ahead and try it, but it might not solve your problem.

So let’s go with the option that I really think is the best one: making sure that your boss is uncomfortably, viscerally aware of L’s affair. That’s right. I think you should engineer things so that he walks in on them. You’ve said that L and his lover are sleeping together at the office while L is on the clock—what if your boss needs to do a surprise inspection? I think you should set one up.

Best of luck!

___________________________________________________________________________________

[Comment on March 14 2019, 9:03 AM EST]  
IANAL: also if you talk to L about the affair, you run the risk of getting yourself in trouble for sexual harassment, because you’d be creating a sexualized environment  
[expand 7 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019, 9:05 AM EST]  
shepherdo: This is the messiest advice column I’ve ever read. Keep it up!

[Comment on March 14 2019, 9:08 AM EST]  
golden_delicious: whats with all the letters about affairs recently? trouble in advice blog paradise?  
[expand 3 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019, 9:13 AM EST]  
anon4this: [This comment has been deleted for violating our commenting policy.]

[Comment on March 14 2019, 9:18 AM EST]  
anon4this: [This comment has been deleted for violating our commenting policy.]

[Comment on March 14 2019, 9:20 AM EST]  
Eugenides: Just a reminder for everyone, if you think you’ve figured out the identities of anyone from a letter, or if you think you are one of the people mentioned, please contact me directly rather than commenting with anyone’s personal information.  
[expand 2 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019, 9:25 AM EST]  
HRlady: Your continued insistence that HR serves entirely at the company’s behest is insulting to my profession.  
[expand 37 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019, 9:27 AM EST]  
Cennabration: I have to admit, this advice to inform the boss of the affair does feel hypocritical coming from you.  
[expand 8 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019, 9:32 AM EST]  
Pumpking_Spice: I think he should just talk to his boss lol  
[expand 11 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019, 9:36 AM EST]  
sexretary: back up, I wanna know more about the a and c timeline b/c I feel like there’s way more there tha a is totally glossing over—how long were they sleepipng together? did any of it overlpa with c meeting the so called love of his life? Ineed detail!  
[expand 28 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019, 9:40 AM EST]  
im_c: hi everyone so after speaking to my friend, it turns out that I’m “C” in the letter. widl coincidence, because I only read this blog because I’m actually freinds with Eugenides! everything “A” said is accurate, and I swear our workplace noramlly isn’t this dramatic haha. and sorry for breaking your comment rules earlier, Gen.  
[expand 49 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019 9:44 AM EST]  
mincedpear: Seriously, why is your advice never, “talk to the correct person to talk to in this situation”? A, you should just talk to your boss—any reasonable boss would completely understand why L’s affair is a problem and would protect you from retaliation. Source: I used to work in HR.  
[expand 3 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019 9:46 AM EST]  
Cennabration: Wow, the comment section for this one is WILD.

[Comment on March 14 2019 9:51 AM EST]  
sexretary: I hope this is one we get an upate letter for  
[expand 2 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019 9:56 AM EST]  
Laura: why do so many people want to sleep with people they meet at work? I don’t get the appeal.  
[expand 69 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019 10:00 AM EST]  
OP: hi everyone, wow, did NOT expect my letter to actually get published. yes, that is the real C in the comments, it turns out he knows Eugenides IRL (and calls him Gen?) which is new information for me. I’m getting the sense that I should probably ignore the column’s advice though? sorry, man. also I can’t think of a good way to set it up so our boss walks in on them anyway.  
[expand 76 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019 10:02 AM EST]  
lavaboy: I get why people don’t just talk to each other but also oh my god just talk to each other.  
[expand 7 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019 10:09 AM EST]  
theremin_spiders: man I wish everyone at my job was as open to sleeping around at work as these dudes are  
[expand 24 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019 10:11 AM EST]  
im_aquaman: does anyone actually read this blog for advice, or do we all just read it for the drama(TM)  
[expand 53 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019 10:19 AM EST]  
sexretary: idk about you all but I read this column for the plot ;)  
[expand 2 replies]

[Comment on March 14 2019 10:24 AM EST]  
Eugenides: Hi everyone, I’ve found out that I know multiple people involved in this situation personally, although “C” is the only one I’m close with. Because of this, I’ve decided to shut down commenting on this post, and I may take the post down entirely.

___________________________________________________________________________________

[Posted on November 03 2020 12:00 PM]

Here’s another update on a reader letter—probably the most-requested update ever! You may remember that in March of last year, someone wrote in asking for advice on how to handle an affair he was aware of at work, since the affair meant that one team at his company was getting preferential treatment. Surprisingly enough, we turned out to have several mutual friends and acquaintances, and I had to shut down the comments and delete the original post. However, it lives on in your memories, and the OP agreed to give you all a quick, vague update so you will stop asking me about it in the comments of every single post.

_Hey Gen, feels weird to be emailing this, but here you go. Since one of the people involved in the situation reads this advice column, the two of us were able to go to our boss (ignoring your advice) and tell him about the affair. None of the other stuff I was worried about mattered—L was fired immediately, along with the rest of his team and their team lead, since they’d all benefited from the situation and knew what was going on. A few months later, my friend and I had an amazing opportunity to start our own company, and we hired the younger and less experienced members of L’s team who hadn’t realized how unethical that situation was. All of them have turned out to be great employees and we’re glad we took a chance on them._

_Obviously things have been slow because of the pandemic, but our work is still needed, and one of our main contracts has been paying us a little even though we’re not working on our project for them right now. My friend and his fiance got married in the fall of 2019, which was the last time our extended friend group was able to meet up in person before lockdown hit. I also became friends with Gen! Here’s hoping that the holiday season goes well and that 2021 is a better year for us all._

There you have it, everyone! Now stop asking me for updates about this letter.

**Author's Note:**

> come join the QT discord and participate in chaos like this xoxo: https://discord.gg/JYJufae


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